An open letter to Huckabee:

Oh, Huckabee, Huckabee, Huckabee … I know it’s got to be distressing now that no one’s paying any attention to you anymore (not that I wasn’t doing my part to correct this), but can’t you please just stick to funny Colbert appearances or — hey — I bet somebody’s willing to pay you to star in a buddy movie with Chuck Norris (and with all that money you may not have to pimp yourself out in the Cayman Islands anymore), but please, you know, there have got to be better uses of your time than going around endorsing state constitutional amendments to extend full citizenship to all Fertilized-Egg-Americans. I’m beginning to not even be able to support you ironically anymore. And that is sad, Huckabee, sad. Because if this relationship ends, then I’m going to have to start coming up with a real answer when people ask which candidate I support, and frankly, I’ve got nothing. So buck up, kid. And get yourself back in the press, while you’re at it. Try having an non-affair with a lobbyist or something; I hear that works.

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