Dearest Zelda,

Jezebel asks, “Who should play Zelda Fitzgerald in The Beautiful and the Damned?”, which is apparently an upcoming Fitzgerald/Sayre biopic (I was rather hoping it was actually just a new movie based on the book; I adore Gloria Gilbert…). Jessica objects to Keira Knightly, who is rumored to be eyeing the part, and suggests Amanda Seyfried, Kirsten Dunst, Rachel McAdams or Reese Witherspoon. The first two sound good; the last two I say “oh god no” to; but how could anyone really think the part should go to anyone other than Maggie Gyllenhaal?

[Unless, of course, the part goes to me. Come on! We’re in a recession, aren’t we?, and I’d be cheaper than all those Hollywood types. Plus, I’m great at fake-knowing ballet, I have a thing for writers and drunks, and I’ve even suffered all the way through Save Me the Waltz.]

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